Obama declares war to Putin! It could be dangerous!

Summer is here, it is time to go to the beach and have our feet in the sand! Looks like some have bigger feet than usual though…

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.

Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations.

Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” his mother said. “Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!” 

A very funny face trade…

A blonde decides to go icefishing so she heads out early one morning, sets her equipment up on the ice, and begins to drill a hole. She then hears a voice from above that says, “There’s no fish down there.”

Disappointed, she drags her equipment 50 yards further onto the ice. Again she begins drilling a hole and hears the voice again: “There’s no fish down there.”

Disgusted, she drags her equipment clear to the other side of the ice, again she begins to drill, and the voice repeats, “There’s no fish down there.”

She looks up and says, “God, is that you?”

The voice replies, “No, it’s the arena manager.”

So, can you spot the Gulf Coast Eagle?

15 – You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.

14 – Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

13 – Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

12 – Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

11 – For some reason, there’s salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10 – Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea’s pancakes.

9 – For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the automobile.

8 – You’re now the proud inventor of the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7 – Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6 – Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5 – Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s Vomit Man!”

4 – The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.

3 – Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2 – Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1 – You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, ‘It’s certainly not a ship.’ As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit.Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,’Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?’

‘Ten years,’ replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. ‘Faith and begorrah,’ said the castaway, ‘that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be !’

‘And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?’ asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, ‘Ten years.’

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. ‘Tis nectar of the gods!’ shouted the Irishman. ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!’

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, ‘And how long has it been since you played around?’

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too?’

Well, OK, it might sound serious or even tragic as a post title, but it is not.
This meeting between the animal and the man is more specifically between a baby boy and a small dog.

Here they are, in this video of a dog and a baby!
Added to the Funny Animals page, the Funny Babies page and to the Funny Videos page!

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out…

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree,” you are also self-ed and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with “customers” so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are  instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.

ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest “ergodynamic” gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your “carpal tunnel”…

ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the  majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut,  have lunch, and mail a letter!

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/”TEAM LEADS”: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Middle Managers,” as everyone in your social circle is a “Middle Manager.”

SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Senior Managers,” as everyone in your social circle is a “Senior Manager.”

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your boss.